THE VALUE OF WORKING WITH A DIVORCE COACH: A LAWYER’S PERSPECTIVE by Steve Benmor
From a lawyer’s vantage point, divorce is not only a legal event – it is a convergence of emotional upheaval, financial uncertainty, and high-stakes decision-making, all unfolding under significant time pressure. While the law provides structure and rules, it does not, on its own, prepare people to make sound decisions in the midst of personal disruption.
This is where working with a Divorce Coach – particularly a Divorce Coaches Association of Ontario (DCAO) Accredited Divorce Coach – adds measurable and strategic value.
In practice, many separating spouses arrive at their lawyer’s office cognitively overwhelmed and emotionally dysregulated. They are expected to make decisions about parenting, housing, support, and property division at precisely the moment when their capacity to process information is at its lowest. From a legal perspective, this “readiness gap” is one of the greatest obstacles to efficient resolution.
Clients who are unprepared often:
- Struggle to absorb legal advice
- Fixate on perceived unfairness rather than outcomes
- Make fear-based or reactive decisions
- Revisit settled issues repeatedly
None of this reflects a lack of intelligence or goodwill. It reflects the reality that divorce places extraordinary strain on decision-making systems. Divorce Coaches operate directly in this space.
Divorce Coaches do not provide legal advice, nor do they replace lawyers or financial professionals. Their value lies elsewhere: they help clients become capable participants in the legal process.
From a lawyer’s perspective, this translates into clients who are:
- Better regulated emotionally
- More realistic financially
- Clearer about priorities and trade-offs
- Less reactive in negotiations
This is not ancillary support; it is decision infrastructure.
One of the most consistent challenges lawyers encounter is financial opacity – not in disclosure, but in client understanding. Many spouses enter separation without a clear grasp of household spending, income streams, or the cost of post-separation independence. This lack of clarity fuels anxiety and undermines negotiations.
Divorce Coaches address this early by helping clients:
- Identify fixed and variable expenses
- Understand income sources and reliability
- Build realistic, post-separation budgets
- Anticipate financial transitions rather than react to them
From a legal standpoint, a client who understands their financial reality is far less likely to advance unsustainable positions or reject reasonable settlements out of fear.
Importantly, Divorce Coaching is not about persuading clients to “give in” or compromise their rights. Rather, it reframes conflict away from blame and toward problem-solving. Divorce Coaches help clients distinguish between what feels unfair and what is legally and practically achievable.
This distinction is critical. Many high-conflict cases are not driven by legal complexity, but by unmanaged fear and unrealistic expectations. Divorce Coaches help clients recalibrate without lawyers having to assume the role of emotional regulators – something the legal system is poorly designed to do.
From a lawyer’s perspective, the benefits of working alongside Divorce Coaches are tangible:
- More efficient use of legal time: Clients come to meetings prepared, focused, and able to prioritize.
- Improved settlement durability: Agreements reached by informed clients are less likely to unravel.
- Healthier negotiations: Financial and emotional clarity reduces positional bargaining.
- Lower overall costs: Fewer crises, fewer reversals, fewer unnecessary motions.
In short, Divorce Coaching supports the conditions under which legal advice can actually be effective.
DCAO Accredited Divorce Coaches operate within clear professional boundaries. They do not provide legal opinions, predict court outcomes, or interfere with solicitor-client relationships. Instead, they reinforce them by ensuring clients are psychologically and practically ready to receive and act on legal advice.
This distinction matters. When roles are respected and integrated thoughtfully, clients benefit – and so does the justice system. Divorce may unfold through statutes, rules, and case law, but it is experienced by human beings under stress. From a lawyer’s perspective, Divorce Coaching is not a soft add-on; it is a strategic ally in achieving durable, fair, and efficient outcomes. When clients are calmer, clearer, and financially informed, legal processes work better. Decisions improve. Settlements last. And clients leave the process not just legally divorced, but equipped to move forward.
That is the true value of working with a Divorce Coach – from the lawyer’s chair.